Christian Ross

Recently overheard conversations at Mavs headquarters…

If you’re not an NBA fan or follower of the Dallas Mavericks then you’ve recently missed out on a sports equivalent of Chernobyl as a vacation destination. The start of the NBA free agent signing period began on Monday and Dallas has quickly been informed that unless roofied or held at gun point, big time players don’t actually want to come play here.

After some investigative research and chatting with some people on the inside, I was able to come across the transcripts of some recent phone calls made by Mavs GM, Donnie Nelson, to NBA players about their intentions of signing with the Mavericks.

Feel free to read along with the unedited conversations:

Deron Williams

Mavs: Deron? You’re awesome, the best player available, and a Dallas native, interested in playing for the Mavs?
D.Will: Nope /click

Dwight Howard

Mavs: Dwight, you’re the best big man in the league and you obviously want out of Orlando. We’ll put up with your crazy, get you out of Orlando, pay you Gates-money and let you wear the cape; so, how about it?
Superman: I’ll only sign with the Nets.
Mavs: But Dwight, the Nets have nothing to trade for you, no money to pay you, and your GM says there’s no chance in Hades that he’d take back the trash heap they’re willing to give for you; we’d pay four guys to carry you around on a shoulder drawn chariot everywhere you go and flatten the entire city of Garland if that’s where you decided to put your estate. How about now?
Superman: Nets
Mavs: I don’t think you understand Dwight, you have no leverage with your GM.
Superman: I’m Superman.
Mavs: Not quite following Dwight…
Superman: /click