Christian Ross

Toilet Golf

Hey Internet, let’s play a game. No, not toilet golf, that would be ridiculous.

I received this gag as a gift for Christmas. I tried to give it to my avid-golfing-business-partner but he wants nothing to do with it and though we’ve tried, neither one of us has come up with a compelling reason as to why this game (or its’ related friend: Toilet Fishing) would have ever been green-lighted as products.

Long story short, I want to give you this game. I’ll even pay the shipping (US and maybe Canada addresses depending on how much I’ve gotta be out of pocket).

The catch: to be the lucky recipient of this fine Chinese craftsmanship, you gotta enlighten me on how this thing actually ever went from conference room spitball-session to production. Have fun with it. Help me solve the mystery of, “who in their right capitalist mind thought the world needed this?”

Bring it. Deadline for your entries are Wednesday, January 15th.

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An Open Letter to a Closed (minded) Church

This is an open letter — a response in one of the few ways I know how. It’s mostly just going to be a stream of consciousness that could ultimately turn into a longer conversation.

— —

Dear 1950’s style church member, thank you.

I used to be you. My “theology” matched your theology. Our “doctrines” aligned. The “church,” as I believed it, was the most important thing. When the doors were open, we knew we were supposed to be in the “church.”

I wasn’t there this week but the funny thing is, as much as ever, I believe we’re supposed to be in the church. I want to teach my boys this. I want to set this example for others. I want the world to know the Jesus that I know.

I think (mostly because I don’t know your internal motives), in that regard, we’re one and the same.

Except for the fact that we’re miles apart. In sports terms, we’re so far apart, we’re not even playing the same game.

What’s changed? The church? Nope.

What has changed for me is the simple fact that I missed the boat for so long. For entirely too long, I viewed those four walls, those padded pews, those hard-bound song books, that air conditioning, those vaulted ceilings, and the 9:00am once-per-week 45-minute dive into scripture as the Church. Here’s some examples of my previous ways of thinking:

  • “Hurry and finish your breakfast, we’ve got to get to church.”
  • “Nah, sorry, we can’t do that on Wednesday night; we’ve got church.”
  • “What time does church start?”
  • “Can you run up to the church and grab X?”
  • “Hey friend, (I know it’s a little awkward but) are you interested in going to church with me?”

Sound familiar? I promise I can go on.

You know what changed? Me. When I realized a little while back that our “theology” — as you might be inclined to passively throw in my face on Facebook — doesn’t line up nearly as much as it used to.

What amazes me is that you truly think that your take on doctrine is the only Truth there is. The simple fact you emphasize your one building; in your one-horse town; of your one denomination (even when you say you’re not a denomination) as the “Church” is completely opposite of what the Bible you stand on teaches.

— —

My seat was empty on Sunday

My kids play sports and I get that back in your day things looked a little different. You had Blue Laws, I’ve heard all about them. And you just knew that if Christ returned on a Sunday or Wednesday night and you weren’t in your assigned seat at church, you lost your place in line. I totally understand your thinking, that crap is hard to shake.

And look, I’m probably the last guy you want offering up Jesus returns prophesies to you but I’m fairly certain you can count on a couple of things:

1. Jesus doesn’t care about what your building looks like.

and

2. If he showed up on a Sunday and upon his return He just luckily sauntered into your place of worship, He’d be disheartened at what He saw. I don’t think He’d be turning-tables mad but I do think He’d be sad that you shot-your-shot at creating His perfect church and you missed so badly.

You wanna know why I know this?

Cause Jesus didn’t ever once call a building the “Church.” And in his years of ministry, never once did He set aside two days a week to go to “church.” And never did He say, ‘those who enter this building with the wood-paneling and temperature-controlled baptistry will be called my Church.’

Nope. He pretty much said the opposite. For his entire ministry. Until the day he died and he called out in agonizing pain: “Father, forgive them, because they still have no idea what they’re doing.” (paraphrasing, mine)

— —

You’re probably gonna read this and think, “we don’t read the same book.” You’re wrong.

I think if you’ll take a look back through that Book you read with honest and fresh eyes, you might see something a little different. I did.

What you probably won’t see is that point where Jesus laid out the scriptural times of worship of 10:00am, 6:00pm, and Wednesday night at 7:00pm. Adjusted accordingly for time change, of course.

As I point out above, He never actually calls a building the church. Nor does He call it, “going to church”; “going to the church”; “worshiping at the church”; “running by the church”; or any other mis-verbification you can come up with.

What does He say then? Well, He does tell Peter (in Matthew’s account) that on him, He will build His church. So we’ve got that. But I’m fairly certain that statement alone doesn’t mean Jesus hired Peter as a general contractor to go out and get a bunch of sub-contractors and an architect to build a physical building with a steeple and a pulpit. (But again, I don’t have a Masters in Theology.)

Wanna know what Jesus talked about more than a church? Like 100 times more? A Kingdom. And not one far away. Not one down the road in the future. And definitely not one that was made for the humans of this world to rule over each other with.

The kingdom of God is near” is kind of a weird thing to hear, right? I’m like, “hey Jesus, what’chu mean by that?”

Since you asked, here’s my measly, human interpretation…

“I’m Jesus. I’m here. I’m building something far better than you can ever imagine. It ain’t a building. It doesn’t need a time slot. It doesn’t leave people out. It doesn’t require a great (or terrible) speaker each week. All I ask is that you love me and take care of my people. I’m the kingdom and I’m right here. Near you. Bueno?”

also (and equally as important)…

“Don’t forget something… the people. The ones who are lost. The ones who have walked away. The ones who have never heard. The ones who are broken. The ones who are misguided. The ones who want nothing to do with me or with you. The ones who say the most filthy, vile, and vulgar things about me (and you). They’re really freaking important to me.

And you know what? Now maybe you should write this one down… I’m kind of partial to this one… love them. Go after them. Please go after them. With all of your heart, soul, mind, and might. They’re not always going to be in the places you are. In fact, they’re rarely going to be in the place you feel the safest. Please, please, please, go after them and love them. Just as they are. You do that and I’ll work my magic as well, together we can bring them home. To the church. Not the building. To my church; my kingdom; my place of rest.

— —

I was at a baseball game on Sunday (six, actually)

Look, my kids play sports. On Sunday. And I know that annoys the hell out of you. And we post pictures about it. And we celebrate it.

You know what else we celebrate? The fact that we are with the church. My boys know it. They know they’re called to such a higher standard than the world sets. They know Christ comes first. They know the Love of the Lord. They know the songs. They know we long for times to sit in and worship with like-minded believers to be refreshed and encourage each other.

They also know they’re called to so much more.

Those 10 other kids on the team? The 10-15 families associated with those kids? Holy moly, who better to teach them about Jesus, His love for them, and their place in the Kingdom than us? Than my wife? Than my boys? That’s a church. That’s a mission.

You know what we have no ambitions of? That .0296% chance of becoming a professional athlete that you post about on social media. We don’t talk about it. We don’t encourage it. We also don’t shoot it down when our kids say, “dad, I wanna be a baseball player when I grow up!” You want to know why? Cause I wanted to play baseball when I grew up too and you know who didn’t shoot that down? Every adult ever. Let the kids dream and play. (It’s scientifically-proven good for their brains.)

— —

I get that you don’t get it. I get that this will stir so many of the wrong and unintended emotions in you but you’ve gotta understand that the “Church” as you know it is on the decline and part of that — from my simple estimation — is simply due to the fact that you’ve thumbed your nose at both believers and non-believers alike who do not exactly align with your doctrine. Different doesn’t equal wrong.

Love God and love your neighbor. I can’t do the second without the first and if I don’t do the second, I’ve failed this test miserably.

On any given Sunday I might be at a baseball field, but hopefully someday you’ll come to the realization that my family and I are as much or more a part of His church than you’ve ever taken the leap of faith to be.

So, Thank you. Thank you for outing yourself once again. Thank you for setting the stage for me to finally put something down on paper (this has been a few years coming). Thank you for giving me material to once again reinforce the teachings of Jesus with my kids. Thank you for reminding me that Jesus is really important. His teachings should be heard, especially by the lost — those who need it most.

What I hope my boys never inherit is a short-sided view of what Christians — followers of Christ — are supposed to be. Your “church” will likely continue down a slow path of attrition and death but Christ’s Church will endure forever. I hope they choose the latter.

c

Hypocrisy

Posted mostly because this is probably a better place dump my thoughts than Twitter. Without context:

I do not see how the concept of “Inclusion via Exclusion” is supportive of an ideology that believes all should get an equal voice. If you seek tolerance for all, be tolerant of all.

Proofreading is hard.

But it’s necessary.

In my Monday morning ‘down a rabbit hole,’ I was looking into a local restaurant for dinner with some friends for this evening. I hit their menu to see if there’s anything that I’d be interested in (there is) and then I got distracted by the rest of their website (as I often do). I ended up on the Blog page wondering just what a local Mexican restaurant might be blogging about these days. Riveting stuff for most of you, I’m sure.

While I applaud the efforts of any business to actually take heed of the recommendations we often give in the web world of, “provide your customers fresh and relevant content on your website,” it was easy to see that this blog has just been farmed out to a content factory to generically produce Mexican restaurant/food related content. I’m not dogging the practice or the effort but it doesn’t take an expert to see this content for what it is — in this case, blog posts written more for the SEO (search engine optimization) purpose of getting Google to send them traffic rather than focusing on content written for humans first.

The reason for me to come to my own blog and point all of this out? Just to note that if they’re going to continue utilizing a content creation company (which I fully applaud the utilization of a good one for a lot of businesses), I’d at least encourage them to proofread or a least loosely scan the content before (or just after) it gets posted on their website.

Case in point:

In their second most recent blog post titled, “How to Tell if You’re Eating at An Authentic Mexican Restaurant in Grapevine Texas,” I find it interesting that they conclude their entire blog post with the following lines, “If you are ready to experience some real authentic Mexican food Grapevine TX, contact us to make a reservation today. It will be our pleasure to serve you our most delicious dishes.”

I only call attention to the fact that they’re pretty clear in the few paragraphs prior, outlining what restaurants a diner should avoid due to the establishment’s inability to be “authentic.” The two that jumped out at me quickly were their points that Mexican restaurants selling ‘queso’ and ‘frozen margaritas’ were obviously inauthentic — and while I’m not here to dispute the authenticity of these statements — I would like to call the attention to their Dinner Menu page where they clearly are not afraid to sell me both queso (multiple types) and frozen margaritas.

Mesa Grapevine - Mexican food gaffe

But hey, something’s better than nothing, right?

If you need me this evening, you can find me dinning at the possibly-authentic Mesa Grapevine while sampling some of their finest queso and frozen margaritas.

P.S. Mesa, happy to give you a recommendation or two for content creation (or at least proofing help) companies if you’d like!

Creepy Santa 2016

It’s been a couple of years since I’ve dropped any Christmas music on you. Prior to Rdio (RIP) and other music services, it was a little more of a chore to source and share decent tunes. It takes work to put these together but I do enjoy it for a few reasons:

  • I like decent Christmas music
  • What they play on the radio is good to get you into the Christmas spirit but after a few days it becomes quite repetitive
  • It’s fun to share with others

Due to work and life, I haven’t had a great deal of time to go actively searching for new stuff this year. But, ironically, due to the fact that we’ve been working crazy-late hours the last couple of weeks, I have been able to listen to hours of random playlists and been able to toss a few tracks I’ve liked to my own Spotify (RIP Rdio + please hurry up Pandora Premium) playlist.

Some of you who have followed along for years might know that there’s a few tracks I think are imperative to a quality, heavy-rotation Christmas playlist. Some of them aren’t available on music services and only exist on the hard drives of folks like you and I; it’s up to us to carry the torch for the next generations. Heavy burden, I know. Those tracks aren’t on the Spotify version of Creepy Santa below; if you want the extra good stuff, you’ll have to download the ZIP folder and play it the old fashioned way (iTunes).

If you’re new here, you might check the archives for past freebies.

If nothing else, the download might be worth it for the smiles track 20 can induce; it’s a modern day take on the creepiness that is Baby, It’s Cold Outside.

Without further ado, (more…)